Three Sheets to the Wind
by crazyplotthot
Summary: Ozpin was not a man for cursing, but the situation that Qrow put him in made him want to use some very strong language • Qrow/Ozpin drunken shenanigans• For Rosalie. To many more memories


**Three Sheets to the Wind**

 **.x.X.x.**

 _~CrazyPlotQueen~_

Ozpin was not a man for curse words. Truly, he wasn't. Usually, the man was dignified and clean, always keeping his composure and an air of calm about him. But tonight was different.

Tonight he was on a date for Qrow, and he had wanted to utter more curse words than he ever had in his entire existence.

Maybe that statement had a _touch_ of exaggeration, but situations like this deserved exaggeration.

 **.x.X.x.**

 _Three hours earlier…_

"Qrow. Would you like to explain where we are?"

Ozpin's voice was somewhat hoarse and flat as he stared at the establishment his friend took him to. Qrow had been drunk in his office earlier, and apparently, he was in the mood for more alcohol. So, he tried to entice Ozpin into going to a bar with him. At first, it hadn't worked, but when Qrow brought up the fact that Oz had 'basically turned him into a bird and never made up for it', he knew he wasn't going to win this battle. So he agreed to go out to watch him drink, just for a little while.

Apparently, Qrow didn't know the Vale area too well, or he was more wasted than Oz thought, because the man had taken him to a Strip Club. How Ozpin had never known there was a Strip Club only a few blocks away from Beacon was a mystery to him.

"Well _this_ isn't the bar! This seems to be a stip club..." Qrow slurred, his eyes widening at the scene before him. Music pulsated through the club, blinding lights flashed, people danced in close-knit packs...It was chaotic. He loved it. "And we're getting booze."

" _Here?"_ He asked incredulously. Qrow grabbed his hand and began to charge through the throng of people on the floor. He was crushed in between sweaty bodies, his normally neat hair becoming mussed, silently cringing at the contact. "Oh, wow. I did not sign up for this…"

Finally, the pair arrived at the small bar in the corner of the bar. Ozpin did his best to stay clear of a gaggle of girls, obviously wasted out of their mind. He wanted nothing to do anything here. Except Qrow.

"What d'ya want-"

"All of it."

Qrow's sudden, drunken command seemed to startle the bartender; he gave the Hunter a confused look.

"I didn't say _some_ of your alcohol, I want _all_ of it. Even your top shelf— wait, no, _especially_ your top shelf." Qrow pointed a shaky finger at the wall of booze in front of him as the bartender confusedly began to set bottles on the bar.

Ozpin arched a disapproving brow; Qrow's kidneys would probably be shot after tonight. "And how do you plan on carrying all this, genius?" He asked, smugly staring at his friend.

"I dunno. You're a magical wizard! Use some wizard magic," He scoffed, uncorking a bottle of vodka and beginning to down the contents rather quickly. "Besides, you owe me. You turned me into a fucking bird."

"It sounds like you two have some relationship issues that you might want to work out. Your boyfriend sounds pretty pissed about that bird thing," The bartender interjected. Ozpin raised a finger, hoping to protest and correct the man, telling him they weren't dating. "But, I might have something to help you, bird-man. We have a shopping cart in the back that you can have."

Ozpin's protest died on his tongue as the bartender offered their shopping cart to him. A slow smile spread across Qrow's face.

 **.x.X.x.**

"S'cuse me! Comin' through! Move over or get run over!"

Ozpin's cheeks were burning with embarrassment as he kept his head ducked, eyes toward the floor. He could not believe he agreed to this, or even _allowed_ this.

Qrow charged through the mob of scandalously dressed people that were crowded together on the dance floor, not caring as they stumbled back to avoid being trampled by his shopping cart full of alcohol.

"Couldn't we just go around?" Ozpin shouted over the protests of the clubbers.

"You didn't want to use your fucking wizard magic, so now I have to do it the hard way!" Qrow growled, almost tripping over his feet. He was dangerously drunk now, making Oz somewhat nervous. Should he call for a cab? Should he make Qrow sit down for a minute? It was at that moment the shopping cart smacked into a rather burly man, making his face immediately set into a scowl once he saw all the alcohol in it.

"So _you're_ the guy who bought this place clean!" He growled, jabbing a finger into Qrow's chest rather aggressively.

"Hey! Don't poke him!" Ozpin yelled as Qrow's pale red eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. He should have seen this coming, should have known his friend was going to pull this. As soon as Ozpin yelled at the man, Qrow slammed a powerful left hook into his jaw, sending him skidding back onto the floor. The man got back up slowly, his dark eyes burning.

"Fine. I didn't want to have to kick someone's ass today, but you're asking for it." He laughed darkly, settling into a loose boxing stance.

"Watch my booze, wizard." Qrow slurred, cracking his knuckles. Ozpin sighed. He should have known.

 **.x.X.x.**

Ozpin was breathing quite heavily by the time he and Qrow stopped nearly a block away from the stip club, holding his side. "Never...You will never take me to a place like that again." He could still hear the police sirens. After the fight between Qrow and that man got out of hand, the cops had shown up, and he had run as fast as they could with his drunk friend.

"Yeah, maybe I won't take you to a strip club for our next date."

Ozpin blinked; their next _date?_ Since when was this a date? When did they start dating in general? "I don't remember us dating…" He arched an inquisitive brow.

"Oh, well, that's because I haven't really asked you out. I'm a little tipsy," Qrow laughed, holding up a half empty bottle of vodka before putting it to his lips. "I'm going to, in the future. Maybe when I can think clearer…"

Ozpin was rather struck by this. Qrow wanted to ask _him_ out? A man who was reincarnated every time he died? Qrow really did have shit taste in partners, he thought wryly. "You know, despite this...Someday I might actually say yes," The man laughed.

Qrow gave a blinding, dopey grin of pure happiness that was almost infectious. And after, he promptly passed out drunk.

 **.x.X.x.**

 _ **Don't mind me, a busy student fucking dying and writing bad FanFiction about an immortal man going to a strip club with his colleague. Sorry its shit, Rosalie, but its dedicated to you. To more times in AP Lang, more Cross Country shenanigans, and more bad poetry.**_

 _ **~Guess Who**_


End file.
